There is no flinching from the truth that loneliness has been around us despite all the comforts we enjoy today in our daily lives. Almost every one of us, for at least once in a life, goes through it invariably. Loneliness has attained more relevance today in the wake of the ever-increasing penetration of computers, networking sites and the most superlative of multifarious technologies into our lives. It is ironical that even a growing population, expanding cities, round-the-clock access facilities and the opening up of more laughter clubs has not resulted in the eradication of loneliness from our lives.

Loneliness is about feeling isolated, wanting to have more intense social contacts. It’s about needing someone to understand and listen to us.

Remember? In school we had just a batch of 40-60 students and yet we patched up greatly with the whole class, but in college even with a larger batch of 100-150 students, we found it relatively difficult to patch up even with a fraction of the class strength. The depth in a new relationship lacks the shine of yesteryear’s relationships. The quality of a relationship always surpasses the quantity of relationships we boast of in our lives.

A widespread phenomenon:

In today’s world ruled by the superlative ʻIʼ and competitive individualistic interests everyone is just trying to outsmart the other and in the process, failing to acknowledge the basics of life. Loneliness is no longer restricted to people with no contacts. In fact, it is increasingly affecting people with more and more contacts. Why?

These relationships are not the contacts which can qualify for the tag of friendship. Most contacts are just an association or are simply business-oriented, lacking the depth, time and affection required to maintain it.

“Loneliness is making inroads in people’s lives due to a decline in face-to-face interaction between people. A person is most prone to mental health disorders because of loneliness. Loneliness is also regarded as the “royal road to disorders”. People today interact more with SMSes, e-mails and phones, but don’t find time for a face-to-face interaction which remains the best way to communicate by far. Therefore, the feel of absence of other persons makes an individual feel lonely from inside,” says a clinical psychologist at Jaipur Golden Hospital, New Delhi.

Deviating from the basics:

Do we remember when we last played the game of ludo or went for fishing or boating with someone close, or proposed a get-together of old friends? Hardly any of us, in recent times, has engaged ourselves in such basic yet nourishing and life enriching activities. Today, we are more focused on having our increasingly better smile and profile on our networking sites, without having actually listened to or met any of our networking mates. In total, we have now stopped deriving pleasure from our daily routines or from the basic, simple things which used to excite us once.

Increasing choices at our disposal have caused a tremendous shift in our individualistic perspectives, leading us to set and define our individual lists of likes and dislikes. The more options and choices we have, the less will be our chances of being similar to others.

Blame the futile competitions:

Sheer longing for self-improvement and attaining a competitive advantage has urged us to fill our lives with useless events and activities to such an extent that we have actually started considering the sharing of our emotions and personal space to be a waste of time, which has resulted in our feeling several bouts of loneliness. And when someone points at our low social profile, we are quick to defend ourselves arguing about the lack of time in our lives. Now, if we aren’t responsible for our loneliness, who else is?

Loneliness knows no age:

Research shows that loneliness can affect anyone of any age-group, be it a school-going person, a mother or even a granny. Nor does it take into account the social standing of its victim. In fact, it gets worse with time, if left unattended. There always remains the chance of it manifesting itself in one’s frequent health breakdowns and, worse, it can force one to slip silently into chronic depression which at times leads one to the threshold of encountering suicidal thoughts. So what’s the cure?

One thing for sure is the cure never remains far from the malady and neither will the cure happen over time, automatically. So it’s always a safe bet to work on it to see it disappear from our lives.

Following are some of the cures for both young and old alike:

Accepting responsibility for your situation: The very first thing is to make a conscious effort to observe your thought patterns; the thoughts which announced to you that you are lonely. Then you have to see what led to their creation or under what circumstances those terrifying thoughts were created. Listing as many reasons for your loneliness would be a step in the right direction. Making a consistent effort to address the underlying issues can cure loneliness. So the cure of loneliness starts with the acceptance of full responsibility for your situation and uprooting the reasons for your loneliness.

Do away with your negative self-image: It’s no wonder that if we have a negative self-image, by dwelling on it, we just reaffirm what we are not in reality. A negative self-image destroys our self-confidence. If we are always overly critical of our-selves, we might never see any good inside us.

A negative self-image should be countered with a positive one like, if we are not appreciated once, instead of dwelling on it, we may think of the moment when we were appreciated profusely.

It also helps if we divert our minds to some engaging activity when a negative thought strikes our minds.

Having a positive self-image not only alleviates our feelings of loneliness but also helps both us and others to enjoy each other’s company.

Bring a positive change and correction in your behaviour and attitude: If we want to build relationships, we must avoid building boundaries around us. If we cannot greet anyone, can we expect a greeting in return? If we cannot appreciate anyone, can we expect any appreciation in return? If we cannot offer help to someone, can we expect any help in return? No, if we ourselves do not have what we look for in others, we might never get along well with others. The idea is to cut down on our unnecessarily hasty nature and keep aside some of our precious moments for others. And remember, sometimes saying a ʻyesʼ or ʻnoʼ contrary to our mood also helps us go far with a relationship.

Involve yourself: Getting involved doesn’t mean engaging in your routine work, like working long hours or sticking to a gadget, or taking refuge in some technology. Instead, involve yourself in something which has humans and humans’ emotions attached with it, like committing to a cause or volunteering for a charity. Remember, nothing can replace human emotions – computers or networking sites. No, nothing comes even close to human emotions. Getting involved in group activities will help you meet new people who might make you meet another set of new people, thus enabling you to have a large network of known people. Another great way to involve yourself is to have a keen hobby. A hobby not only refreshes and uplifts your mood but also serves you as your companion throughout your life. A hobby group can always be formed to attract like-minded people.

Enjoy your life happily: Don’t fret that you are lonely – that will not help. Instead, try to remain happy because happiness begets happiness. Invite someone over for coffee or dinner, go out with your friends, crack jokes, tell stories and, above all, listen to them generously. But never try to influence others through a display of wealth because that will not help in the long run. And also never ask people to spend their time with you as this will make them feel awkward. Happiness lies in doing away with the mentality that sharing of emotions and building relationships are a waste of time.

Banish negative thoughts: It is seen that lonely people on an average encounter more negative thoughts than the people with positive thoughts. In almost any given situation, lonely people are quick to blame themselves for any wrong that might occur around them. This might make them willfully avoid people around themselves, which again make them lonely, thus making them feel trapped in a vicious cycle of loneliness. Nor must you fall prey to the allure of drugs and alcohol, which might give you a high initially, but depression, anxiety and insomnia abounds when their effect subsides.

So avoid even thinking about them. Always look for positives in a situation rather than looking for the negatives. Having a positive approach means being on the lookout for the ways to build new relationships while working positively on existing and old relationships. The message is clear: identify your negative thoughts and uproot them besides developing positive thoughts on a continuous basis.

And, finally, deeply breathe, exercise regularly, meditate generously and take long walks daily. Do whatever you can to cure your loneliness – just make sure that your remedy involves human emotions and are thoroughly enjoyed by you. Remember, in the end, it’s not the quantity but the quality of your relationships that determines your loneliness status.