Are you over-praising your child?

Experts validate that a constant pat on your child’s back may do more damage than good. On the occasion of Children’s Day, we show you how to master the art of praising appropriately for turning your brat into a well-balanced individual.

Commend the act, not the outcome
Giving recognition for your child’s effort at the right time is more important than waiting for him to excel. If your son has played a good game at a tennis match but has lost, he still needs to be appreciated for all his good shots while being gently told about his mistakes. If your daughter joins a music class but takes longer than others to master the notes, there is no reason to berate her if both you and her music teacher feel that she’s doing her best, while also enjoying the class. Parents need to keep in mind that all kids learn at a different pace. Telling her, “I am sure that your dedication and passion for music will soon bring you up to the mark,” will give her an impetus to work even better.

Praise specifically
Pointing out exactly what you like about your child’s work lets her know that you’re actually noticing it and not pretending. Saying, “I like the fact that you have written so neatly and still finished your work on time” is more effective than saying, “Good to see you’ve done your school work nicely.” “Being specific also makes it easier for your child to follow your instructions and do what she needs to do to be good,” adds Reena Saxena, a counsellor in Mount St. Mary’s School, Delhi.

Be honest
If you think you can sell a compliment like “You dance really well!” to your five-year- old while all that she does is jump at the beats, you need to do a reality check. Even the youngest of kids can sense false praise and they dislike it as much as you do! Moreover, your child stops trusting you for honest comments on her work. “The ideal way is to give honest and specific feedback while taking care not to hurt your child’s feelings,” says Saxena.

Avoid covering-up a negative with a positive
Some parents feel that if their child is doing well in one field, he has the leeway of being good-for-nothing in another. A commonly heard statement by a parent to her child’s teacher is, “My child can tell you everything verbally, but when it comes to writing she just doesn’t want to do it.” If a parent is proud about her child knowing everything verbally and makes it evident, the kid will never make an effort to write even though it is necessary. “It’s important to lay stress on every aspect of a child’s personality as per requirement and not use one good quality to speak for another,” elaborates Saxena.

Don’t overindulge
Complimenting your kid for everything he or she does may not leave your child with much value for the real appreciation. Hence, it’s best not to equate praise with encouragement. For instance, if a preschooler’s parents blow-up every little achievement of the child, he or she may get used to all the extolment and may start expecting the same coming from others as well. And when the same does not come from the teachers, the child may even fail to perform at school. So while you must praise your child for a first-time achievement, avoid overdoing it by repetition.

Remember, your child picks on each and every word of yours as a hint for his or her future action and conduct, consciously or subconsciously. So, this Children’s Day, get aware of your praising habits and take a vow to praise responsibly.

Source: Femina