Adding the Rough Edge to Smooth Sex
Sex is not just meek submission. There’s a wild streak in it. In his sex manual Kokshastra, Koka pandit called sex rati-yuddh and rati-sangram (love-battle). Psychologists like Sigmund Freud and C. V. Jung have clinchingly concluded that almost all women have a certain degree of rape fantasy and they secretly want to be overpowered by either one man or a group of men before the ‘final act’.
Through hypnosis and free association, this deep down fantasy of women may surface. And all men blatantly fantasize to use some amount of force and this common tendency can be traced back to man’s cave existence when men used to chase women to hunt them down for having sex. Sex gives utmost pleasure when it’s almost unexpected and unanticipated.
In the unexpurgated version of Vatsyayan’s Kamsutra, readers find a chapter that deals with ‘playful forced sex’. High-class ganikas (prostitutes) of that period knew how to seduce and tantalize their customers and make them use bearable force leading to exciting lovemaking. "The way a shaheen (royal hawk) plays with a rabbit before lifting it up in the air as its prey, a virile man should also do the same to his object of seduction," advised the explorer and linguist Sir Richard Burton in the English translation of the Arabic sex manual Lazzatunnisa.
Rough sex could be enjoyable to both, provided the man doesn’t ravage a woman in bed or pulverize her. Lovemaking itself is a somewhat violent act that admits of some roughness acceptable to women. Sadism and masochism in sex indicate that men as well as women enjoy grappling and jostling during lovemaking. When Algernon Swinburne wrote, "Tonight, let me make love with my lips/and leave the remnants of love on your hips," he was underlining the age-old belief that physical intimacy accepts some extent of violence – hickeys (love bites) in this case.
Au fond, people are animals. Despite the veneer of civilization, he or she still craves animalistic behavior in all walks of life, especially in the bedroom. There are many women (in fact, more than men) who love flagellation and spanking during love-making. Havlock Ellis, the Darwin of sex, reported in his book Sex and Human Behaviour that nearly 75 per cent women love their breasts and butts to be kneaded by men almost violently (page 34, paragraph 3). Because of women’s perceived modesty, we erroneously believe that they might get upset if force is applied during sex. They crave it. More than 2,600 years back, Greek poetess Sappho wrote, “Women love to be crushed." Point to be noted. Women don’t like men who are sissies in bed.