We all might get an idea that what is so special discussing about communication between couples, as we are always communicating with each other in some way or the other.

However you would be surprised to learn that couples today with all the current multi-tasking they do, just get about 15 minutes a week of quality conversation with one another, and it’s also true that though couples wish to have quantitative and qualitative communication they rarely get such precious moments to speak to each other reasonably and respectfully.

Good communication forms the basis of a good marital relationships and understanding what really is all about would help us much better:

• There is often a popular misconception among many of the so-called happily married couples, it is the feeling that we have to talk and express our feelings. But far to the contrary respectful talking and listening forms the basis of good and effective communication in marital relationships. Are we all not watched regular scenes in many households where each spouse tries to shout louder than the other or one spouse goes shuts one in a room as the shouting scene is enacted by the other one? We would surely do much better as a couple maintaining eye-to-eye contact, noticing facial gestures and the body language while communicating.
•  Good communication as I have noticed that might lead to apprehensions if it just involved speaking and listening, but also knowing the full meaning of exactly what the other individual says. This calls for asking them questions that are probing yet respectful. I might rather ask a question as, “Please forgive my inability to maintain up with you, but I need to ask a question about what you just said” rather than “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard; don’t you mean to say . . . ?”
• Marital relationships are most healthy when communications are honest, but never cruelty underneath the disguise of honesty. Numerous couples spoil relationships by communicating things that are damaging and might be abusive. Also occasionally honesty has taken the shape of one partner benefiting from the others shortcomings, these situations can be highly contra-productive. It is best to keep in mind that respectful honesty is extremely important .

Communicating in making smart mutual decisions in marital relationships involve the following steps:

1. Communication proves better when the goal to be met is specific.  – Specific goals allow for better implementation. Just like a goal to visit the movie, “The Adventures of TinTin” is more specific than going for a movie during the weekend.
2. Communication leads to better results if the discussion does not deviate from the point as it most often happens between couples. So reminding one another about the specific goals of the discussion every once in awhile help in better communication.
3. Ensuring success in communication and for a mutually satisfying goal requires communication when both are in the mood and state for communicating. This is essential as communications and decisions that are made when one does not have time, or is hungry, tired or preoccupied with other things would never be successful.
4. Communication for making decisions, tend to be better when both the partners go in for a choice that’s mutually satisfying with compromises. Team spirit as well as a Win/win decision works best than one of lose/win or win lose decision.

Lastly, would you not think you would be happy as a couple and would want to celebrate the communication in your mutually satisfying and healthy marital relationships with a hug, reward or something different that is symbolic to be motivated to communicate better in decision making?