Ever have fights and regret something you’ve said? Ever thought a word or a jibe less and you could have ended the argument an hour ago? Here are five deal breakers to keep out of your relationship vocabulary

Five things never to say in a fight

“I told you so!”
Why it’s a deal breaker: One of the classic signs of the blame game, this makes your partner aware of their flaws and weaknesses. “Bringing up your partner’s mistakes can scar a relationship. Feelings of insecurity and hostility can crop up and over time your partner may feel inadequate and consequently emotionally withdraw,” says Seema Hingorrany, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist. Adds Varkha Chulani, relationship counsellor, “Attacking someone is not fair. Trying to assert your superiority over your partner can be disastrous.”
Try this: Work as a team to solve the problem. Ask how the two of you can correct the situation and then state what you are willing to do.

“But the last time we went out…”
Why it’s a deal breaker: Raking up past arguments is a strict no-no. Instead, focus on the present issue. “If one partner is bringing up old arguments repeatedly, it means the issues haven’t been resolved. It could also mean that the partner hasn’t forgiven the other for their mistakes. Make it relevant so that the content and context of the argument aren’t lost,” says Varkha.
Try this: The past is the past, respect that and stick to the subject at hand. Respect a certain boundary instead of making it a mud-slinging match.

“Maybe we should get a divorce then…”
Why it’s a deal breaker: Emotional blackmailing does long-term damage. “When you threaten someone by telling them you’ll walk out on them if they don’t see your point, your emotions are out of control. Ultimatums force people to choose and sometimes they may not want make the choice you want them to make. It creates doubt in the other person’s mind about their partner and eventually they take a drastic call on the relationship,” adds Seema.
Try this: Don’t speak in anger and say something you don’t really mean. Never bring up separation in your fights. Period.

“I wish you’d be more like…”
Why it’s a deal breaker: Aside from the fact that you end up bruising your partner’s self-respect, comparisons do irreversible damage. Adds Varkha, “It makes your partner aware of how you wish to have something they can’t provide. Comparing them to others can cause insecurity. As a knee-jerk reaction they may compare you to someone else, further damaging your relationship and leaving both of you emotionally scarred.”
Try this: Appreciate your partner for the person they are by not comparing them to others. Rather, explain why you disagree with something they did and how they could have done it differently. Remember you dislike a part of their behaviour, not them.

“So what if I don’t do it?”
Why it’s a deal breaker: A relationship is about give and take. “To expect things of your partner is normal. But to expect them to deliver when you are not doing the same is unacceptable. Your partner may view you as demanding and think that all you do is constantly nag and criticise them,” says Seema. “Don’t look at your partner as compensation for your deficits. And don’t expect them to do something you can’t,” concludes Varkha.
Try this: Be unconditional in your relationship and remember to give more to get more.

Source: Femina