Why is sex the last priority? What to do to rekindle the fire in the marital beds? Can sexless marriages be satisfactory in other ways? There are experts doing research and writing books on these subjects the world over.

Indian social and family structure is such that in-laws, household duties and other demands take away time in a different way as compared to Western societies. While Western societies think nothing of kissing and touching in public, all sexual overtures in India have to be made behind closed doors and that puts a different pressure on couples.

Universal factor: While certain aspects like living within a joint family might be individualistic to Indian society as also the hands-off policy in public, and other aspects including the importance of sexual binding for a couple remains the same. Pressures of life are as time-consuming irrespective of culture and country.

To get the maximum out of their time schedules, most women plan everything in detail from shopping to meals for the week, exercise, gifts for forthcoming birthdays and time for colleagues or other family members, but they expect sex to be ‘spontaneous’. Why do we not make an appointment for sex with our partners well? What is it that stops us from telling our husbands that next Saturday you have planned an encounter with him so he should prepare for it too…

Agree on a time and venue: Even if the venue is your bedroom it does not have to be boring or routine. It is the build-up to a sexual encounter that is as exciting as the act itself.

Old cliché, new possibilities: While some women swear by long baths to get them in the mood, others believe that scented candles and lowered lights gets them to feel desirable but, for other women, regular sex could be boring and they do not have the time for getting the right mood going. Spontaneous and unplanned sex also has its moods and advantages but if one party is ready and the other is not, they have to reach an amicable solution.

Sex should not be the neglected aspect of your married life, otherwise sooner or later; one of you might end up seeking the thrill elsewhere. Take a cue from some of the advertisements – the one of MasterCard where the wife meets the husband where he is having an official meeting and they go to a room with the tag of ‘unlimited possibilities’.

Language helps: Erotic talk is underplayed by most adults after marriage but verbal communication is just as important as physical touch and sexual gratification. Sexy talk need not be vulgar, it can be encouraging and romantic or just as rough and candid as the two partners desire it to be.

Never say something if you are uncomfortable saying it and, if your partner says something he or she believes is sexy, never consider it funny or laugh at it. Practice makes anybody perfect. Why not ask your partner to describe what they find sexy about you or what they like you to do which turns them sexually on. Being shy with a partner is expected at the beginning of your encounters but as you get comfortable about each other’s bodies you can be vocal and say things that did not get articulated earlier.

Sexy talk with sexy moves can be all the encouragement your partner needs to keep you happy on the sex front of your marriage. Sexy talk should be about communication of desire for each other. There is no set language or phrases that will always get the desired results. You have to find your own unique sex talk language.

Foods that matter: The thought of sex on a very full stomach is a remote possibility. While the way to a man’s heart might be through his stomach, for sexual action you have to feed selectively and not make him sluggish before the encounter you desire.

Avoid a meal full of cream or fat; make the helpings smaller so you can get ravenously hungry together after your encounter. Fresh figs have a high concentration of amino acids which are said to increase libido and stamina. Chocolate has been found to contain phenyl ethylamine (PEA) which is a central nervous stimulant that triggers a peak in sex drive.

Fresh oysters, the aroma of buttered popcorn, celery – the list of foods to help you goes on but it is all based on a generally healthy body and relaxed mind. There is no quick fix or immediate-result, single item of food that will get any couple in the mood unless other factors are as per their expectations and desires.

Acknowledge satisfaction: Total honesty is very important in sexual encounters. If your partner already has performance anxiety and then feels that you are faking satisfaction from your sexual encounter, it is only going to make matters worse in your sexual life.

If a sexual encounter has been less than perfect for you, cuddle up and say encouraging things about what you liked in the session and make up for it by bringing in a sexual encounter sooner than your next schedule. Sexual satisfaction is an important aspect to keep your married life happy. Make time for it, acknowledge it and reap the benefits for years to come.