What Is ‘Kinky’ Sex?

Webster’s English Dictionary defines ‘kinky’ as closely twisted or curled but in medical terminology it connotes various practices of unusual sex like bonding, whipping, transvestitism, fetishism, fellato, cunnilingus and so many other acts which transcend normal sexual behavior. Some sexologists have considered these acts a perversions or, in other words, deviant sexual behavior.

A perversion is a form of deviation from what is considered normal sexual behaviour. Kinsey has shown that about 95 per cent of the total male population occasionally or habitually resorts to activities that are considered perversions. Various forms of perversions are prevalent in different strata of society. The economically backward group indulges in these activities at variance with the richer class of people.

Sexy Couple in Bed

Often, there is fear amongst people who indulge in these activities without knowing whether what they indulge in is harmless or not. A certain amount of sexual fantasies may be present in the psychological make-up of such individuals. Sexual aberrations are predominantly more in men as compared to women who many times have to concede to the wishes of their partners and be willing or unwilling partners to the whims and wishes of their husbands.

An unusual though harmless perversion is fetishism. A fetishist is a person who has sexual attachment to an inanimate or isolated part of a woman’s body. A fetishist may be sexually stimulated by women’s footwear like high heels, black lacy panties, feminine underthings, bikinis, etc. The fetishist may collect these items. While most fetishists are men, some women also become partners in this perversion by donning these items to stimulate their partners.

Fetishism as such is harmless but men who suffer from it often branch out in other directions and also indulge in other sexual variations like sadism and masochism. The problem arises when the fetishism absorbs the major part of a person’s sexual interests and he may go to extraordinary lengths to pursue it. It is a form of compulsive quality and the individual may go to any length to achieve it.

But kinkiness in sex despite various deviations is a popular human pastime in which more and more people are indulging. According to a psychiatrist, “Activities that are considered a bit kinky can be therapeutic providing an acceptable may to express forbidden wishes and thus relieve sexual desires and frustrations.”

What matters is whether kinkiness is approached in the right spirit as both partners are expected to have mutual consent in what they indulge. For some, it is a healthy pastime to indulge in and gives them a lot of pleasure, but for those who indulge in violent forms of behaviour, it loses its spontaneity and may even produce physical harm.

Kinky sex is undesirable when a person becomes obsessed with it, and it may become an addiction. If a person takes an interest in unusual sex activity or this is using up too much of his or her time and energy, that person may require psychiatric help. Many times a person who indulges in such activities may make one’s partner feel like a sex object rather than a love object.

Kinky sex may make a person addicted to abnormal sexual behaviour. Some people suffer from guilt feelings of losing their partners. A thrill’s often obtained by indulging in these various acts.

Psychiatrist Katharine Merlin has laid down certain principles regarding kinky sex and these are:

  • Establish a clear stop signal to these pleasures if antics go too far.
  • Avoid any activity that makes you feel uncomfortable.
  • If you get pangs of guilt or depression, this only means that something is wrong.
  • If what is considered kinkiness but makes the couple happy and satisfied, then there is no harm in pursuing this fantasy.
  • Avoid engaging in kinky sex just to please your partner if you do not want it. In this way you will be able to save your marriage.

Your partner may blackmail you to submit to kinky sex. Resist it. If you do like some of the parts of kinky sex do it with pleasure. This will make your experience more satisfying. Many people make kinky sex part of their normal sexual activities and this practice may assume too much importance in their lives. Indulging in such practices excessively may affect the couple’s psyche which is not desirable. Once you find that these practices are impinging too much on your time and thinking, you must call a halt to this.

It may not be possible to return to normal sex practices soon since large majorities of such people suffer from a sense of guilt and depression. It would be a good idea if psychiatric help is sought. For this, mutual understanding on the part of the couple is desirable which is not difficult to achieve.

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